i have trained myself to be unaffected by people
i have done this to preserve myself as a person
what has happened instead is that i've become less of a person
or maybe a less formed person
i have found that the form that i tried to preserve was not fully formed
and that it is hard to hold together something that isn't really there
I had gotten lost a month or so ago and I was walking in circles trying to find a familiar bus or street that would take me home. I thought I would be more concerned or scared. Instead I realized I didn't feel much of anything. I don't know if it was merely a state of delirium but I remember thinking that if something bad happened to me I probably wouldn't care all that much. I don't think I really feel that way all of the time but the severe case of detachment kind of puzzled me. I guess I had known that I am like that as a person but to see it taken to such an extreme made the feeling so much more lucid.
what happened to me
don't i care about anything anymore
the strange thing is that i'm not depressed but detached
i don't think i've always been this way or maybe i have
i really don't remember anymore
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