Despite everything

that I've been unsure about these past couple days
I am happy because all of this excitement (whether
it be good or bad) has woken me from my state
of sleepwalking that I have been in for I don't
know how long now. It feels good to feel something
even though the feeling wasn't necessarily a good one.
I think my productivity had been reduced to a minimum
and so had my desire to do anything. I felt like I was
merely passing the time. I feel like it will feel good
to have to be productive. I feel like I'm living again.


I went over to Yasmin's house and we cooked a delicious
pot full of shrimp pasta salad with feta cheese and tomatoes
and peppers and cucumbers and downed a huge bottle of
wine between the both of us. It was so good to just lounge
and cook and eat and talk and just exchange our thoughts
and grievances freely. It was a good way to reiterate
how I've been feeling and the changes in my perspective
as of late.