too long, so long

I have not blogged in so long -- since November 2009! That feels like forever ago and yet I am not sure what has happened since then. When you get so tied up in school and in just trying to get to the next week, it is easy to let time slip by so easily. I hate it though -- just as much as I love letting time slip by. I feel like I am stagnating though. Shouldn't I be moving towards something? I feel like I am shuffling my feet in place so that it gives me the sensation that I am moving but when I look up I realize that I am still where I have been standing the entire time. I hate this life as much as I love this life, which puts me right in the middle, kind of tolerating this life. Sometimes it's easiest to express how I feel when I am feeling in an artificial capacity. What I mean by this is that sometimes the only way I can express my frustration is by watching a tv show or movie and feeling their emotion in a purely simple way. Isn't that silly? That I need a supplementary method for feeling? That how I feel is so confusing to me that I need something tangible to understand even if it is not entirely the same? Maybe that is what artistic expression is all about. It is a cathartic release that makes abstract emotion into real and tangible objects. Maybe I need to release -- yeah, I would like that. To release. Sometimes I feel the tension in my body -- something like a pull or barrier or restraint. I just need to release.