I think the most frustrating thing is when it seems like it should be so easy, like when you're watching some romantic comedy where the guy and the girl can't quite seem to find each other at the right place or at the right time and you just want to reach in there and grab them by their collars and scream at them, "They've been there the whole time!" Because it really should be that easy and isn't it that easy? What is really getting in the way? How can two people with mouths and relatively similar cognitive experiences and seemingly mutual feelings for each other not find a way? Because isn't that what we all are here for in the end? Biologically and evolutionarily, the odds should be in our favor. If what separates us from animals is our cognition and supposed intellect, is that what also holds us back? The human condition of shame, of ego, of pride, of fear, and of vulnerability?

As much as I enjoy reading old posts, some of them are hard to read. Partly because I forgot feeling those things and partly because it reminds me of how much I haven't changed. It is easy for me to detach myself from almost anything, but really I detach myself because it is easy. Reading my old thoughts and feelings remind me that I am not really a detached person, but that I am a person who detaches.

I was driving 3 hours from my parents' house back home and normally I just turn up my music so I can mindlessly drive and tune out. This time I turned off the music completely and sat in silence with my own thoughts. Within a larger perspective, I think that I can be this way in life, where I let the noise take over. Since there's so much noise, I don't get to think about anything. Instead I just follow the beat and let intuition and impulse guide me. Sometimes I think I need to turn down the volume now and again.