Binary opposites

Every time I have a spare minute where I want to feel productive, I venture onto the Access UT website to scope out potential jobs / future life trajectories. Having done this same sort of pattern for almost 6 months now, I have found that my tendencies sway one of two ways: find some sort of job in Austin working in web/graphic design or teach English abroad somewhere. It is kind of a funny to me to realize how vastly different these options are. The former involves staying in the same city that I have lived in for almost 4 years now doing something that I have done on and off for almost a decade now. The latter is worlds apart from anything I have ever done before in places I have never stepped foot in.

Staying in Austin is tempting because it's comfortable. Built-in friends and familiarity, but for the same reason, it could be an empty motion. Aside from the possibility of developing experience in a field that I could possibly enjoy, I could find myself feeling stagnated and restless when this point in my life is supposed to be this exciting new beginning.

Leaving the country is tempting, because it's exciting and different. It would also be a test on my convictions about material things and being able to be independent. On the other hand, I could be underestimating the challenges that I would encounter -- not only being in a new country where I don't speak the language but also developing lesson plans as an English teacher. It could be incredibly lonely and being occasionally introverted, I could be overwhelmed by such a different social atmosphere.

It might be silly to think of this dilemma in such a binary way, but considering I have not given any other options much weight throughout this thinking process I feel like this is what it comes down to. Alternatives like moving to a different city or working a different type of job here don't sit well in my stomach. Moving to a different city takes into account the potential job opportunities of that city and if I would move to a different city, I would want to move to a really interesting city but of course cities like these are the ones that everyone wants to move to so consequently the job market can be a little tricky for design jobs. Alternatively, I could probably find a job in civil engineering in a better city. This might be the practical option but I feel like this might also be one of those steps in the wrong direction. Maybe if I could find a way to get a civil engineering job that gives me a lot of skills with CAD computer software, which I could form into future opportunities in design.

I think part of the reason why teaching abroad is so appealing to me is because it would be so easy to have to do it -- to put myself into a position where I had no choice but to. Whereas if I were allowed to sit here stagnating, I might just do nothing. Being lazy is a burden. Being semi-ambitious and lazy is an even trickier combination.